As the sprouting seed pushes upward through the dark towards the light, I feel something within me struggling towards a light of another kind. Yet there is a topsoil covering the ground it must burst through and it consists of the the physical barrier between the spirit and the mind. Instead of cells and tissue and bone it is made up of doubt. That which enforces the doubt is the fact that it is hard to believe what cannot be seen with our own eyes. In a matter as sensitive and ambiguous as life after death, it is hard for the human mind to conceive eternity, let alone other dimensions. I can’t say that I understand these things and it literally feels as if I am trapped in a fishbowl, butting my head against the glass as I try to grasp hold of the notion that this is not all there is. Did time start when the universe was created? Is time only relevant to the physical world? Is there a spiritual world? I feel that knowing the answers to these things are the only way that I will be able to nourish that which is trying to emerge from within me. I don’t know how or when or what it will take for me to be able to realize that there is more to life than life.
The closest I’ve come to being able to admit that I hit a wall on discounting intelligence in all things is when my son was asking me about why water gets hot- I explained that the heat source causes the molecules to move faster, creating more friction, yada yada, thereby heating the water. He then asks me: How do they know that they are supposed to speed up?
How do you answer this?
I said, well, they know that is what they are supposed to do, and he of course wondered how they knew, which is one of THE questions. They don’t have to speed up, I suppose. They could have been designed to do a number of things; turn blue, light up, omit an odor of berries, but they don’t do any of these. They were designed to do what they do- speed up. And I cannot shake the feeling that yes, they were designed…by the great designer, creator, that which we call God and personify when we cannot be sure that there is even a personality which we can assign that name with. Certainly not the blond hair, blue eyed Jesus or the glowing white bearded man. But then again, why not? It could be just that way. How are we to ever know anything is certain unless we can prove it before our eyes?
How can we taste the fruit of the seed within us without our mouths?
I could only answer him with, “God told them they were supposed to speed and so they do.”
It’s all I’ve got.